A Passion a Day

Talked with one of my sisters this morning and she and I ended up discussing the whole concept of passion in our lives. As usual she could relate to everything I was telling her, and while on one level it cheers me to know she understands me so well, on another level, it irritates me a bit because almost everything I reveal about myself, she says she is exactly the same way. I want to be unique and yet I seem to have a twin personality living several hundred miles away. Once again there is this dichotomy in my life where I am glad to have someone who really knows me and I am frustrated that she does. Ugh. At any rate, the passion discussion was still good for me because it helped solidify some of the things I have been thinking of late. She was excited for me, is excited for me - to live day to day, asking God only to be passionate about something for that day, something that He wants me to be passionate about in order to accomplish a task or service for Him is a unique way to live. She suggested that I record each day's passion. I told her about this blog and maybe this is why I started it. A journey with God learning each day to live His passion and accomplish His purposes on earth.

Creating

Today I was purposefully going to sit and write a post. So here I sit. And my mind is scrambling for something meaningful and profound to say. I have read some journals and feel quite inadequate with my own words as they appear here. I have learned over the years not to compare myself to others but it gets hard not to sometimes. Words have always been my thing, the thing I did quite well at in school and in private. Yet they need passion behind them, a driving force for them to be powerful, meaningful and memorable. At least I think that's what's happening. The same with music. I used to play the piano. When I was the most emotional, the most conflicted, at that moment my music made sense and I played the best. I even composed a few pieces - looking back, it had been a very emotional year for me but I was able to convert all those feelings with the passion accumulated into music and poetry. Does that mean I am passionless now? It feels that way to me. Not that I want or even liked living in a roller-coaster world of emotions that I lived way back then but I wonder if I really feel anything anymore. Except anger and frustration. Those emotions I feel more often than ever. Maybe being more even-keeled, more grounded and dare I say, calm, is what happens in one's middle years. I don't know since I'm just now approaching them. It seems to me, however, that I was created with this element of me that requires deeper feelings, passion, to drive me to create. For without creating something ( I am finally past the need to create babies, thankfully) my days drift into others,

Plans

This is actually my second post today but hopefully the first one to get posted. I lost the first one; I still don't know how but I clicked something and poof! the entire post just disappeared. Funny how the title of the lost post was named "Thwarted". Anyway, I no longer feel the pressing need to repeat my ventings of earlier so I will write about something else.

Today I spoke to a friend of mine on the phone. She just recently had a birthday and I hadn't spoken to her since she & her family had returned from their vacation to Disney World. It was good to catch up with her after not talking for a few weeks. That is the surprisingly cool thing about our friendship - we just pick up where we left off and there is genuiness and encouragement in our interactions that I don't always get with others. She had a really good time in Florida and all the concerns she had about transporting her brood of boys in a small vehicle turned out to be non-issues after all. She has such a way of describing the funny and not-so-funny things in her life that it makes me feel like I'm there with her as it happens. She is a great storyteller. Sometimes I wish I could compile all her stories into a book but my remembering is never as good as the original telling.

This weekend would have been a great opportunity to visit her since my boys are going on a father-son trip up north and it will be just my daughter and I at home. The problem is that we only have one vehicle and that vehicle will gone. So I will be here for two days, when most of me really wants to be somewhere else. Those feelings of frustration were the topic of my lost post and I'm trying to be gracious about this sense of abandonment and thwarted plans. Its not easy, though. I do know that if God truly wanted me to go on a road trip to visit my friend and my sister He could easily plop a vehicle in my driveway. The likelihood is that I will remain here and I choose to believe that if that is the case, then there is a very good reason for this. He wants me to be where I can be of the most service and maybe that is right here at home. Time will tell.

A New Beginning

This is the beginning of my blogging experience. I am new at this, I admit, and my posts will probably bore the pants off of most readers but I'm hoping that it will be good for me. So here goes...the beginning of my adventures online.

Its been a satisfying day. A day filled with energy, accomplishments and most of all, passion. I've been praying for passion in my life and well, God delivered today. I didn't expect to get passionate about cleaning and decluttering but I was. The chaos that was our basement is slowly getting under control and my internal chaos is likewise becoming subdued. I wish I wasn't this way sometimes - emotionally subject to the state of my environment - but I am learning to accept this in myself. With acceptance comes growth and change and with change comes the freedom to be the person I was created to be.

There we are...my first post. This could be the start of a new passion!