Creating

Today I was purposefully going to sit and write a post. So here I sit. And my mind is scrambling for something meaningful and profound to say. I have read some journals and feel quite inadequate with my own words as they appear here. I have learned over the years not to compare myself to others but it gets hard not to sometimes. Words have always been my thing, the thing I did quite well at in school and in private. Yet they need passion behind them, a driving force for them to be powerful, meaningful and memorable. At least I think that's what's happening. The same with music. I used to play the piano. When I was the most emotional, the most conflicted, at that moment my music made sense and I played the best. I even composed a few pieces - looking back, it had been a very emotional year for me but I was able to convert all those feelings with the passion accumulated into music and poetry. Does that mean I am passionless now? It feels that way to me. Not that I want or even liked living in a roller-coaster world of emotions that I lived way back then but I wonder if I really feel anything anymore. Except anger and frustration. Those emotions I feel more often than ever. Maybe being more even-keeled, more grounded and dare I say, calm, is what happens in one's middle years. I don't know since I'm just now approaching them. It seems to me, however, that I was created with this element of me that requires deeper feelings, passion, to drive me to create. For without creating something ( I am finally past the need to create babies, thankfully) my days drift into others,