The Difficulty with Gratitude

I'm back after 14 days or so of abstaining from my blog. Okay, maybe I was being lazy.

For this entry, I need to find something to be grateful for but I am having difficulty with this. The reality of my mother-in-law's cancer diagnosis is hitting us now. It's real. She has pancreatic, liver and possibly lung cancer. It's real, no longer a maybe and something definitive needs to happen. Yet it's not up to me to make any of these decisions for her. She has to decide what she's up for and we all must abide by that. Grateful...I can be grateful that she has some time...we hope and pray. Time to prepare, time to enjoy the life God has given her, time to make peace with that life and peace with God.

I don't understand the whys and wherefores in this. I just don't. It's one thing that mom and dad died of cancer. They knew God, they loved Him and were assured of where their place was after death. But now? She needs God. She needs to find peace and comfort...but what do you do when she doesn't think she needs any of those things?

I'm grateful for my doctor and his care. I went to see him today, mostly b/c this cough has been dragging on for 3 weeks now and it just needs to go. I'm tired of it and it tires me out. So he gave me an inhaler which I've never used before and am not convinced I even used it properly tonite. However, my doctor is interested in my well-being and I appreciate that. He also wants and needs to know the exact nature of my parents cancer so he can ensure I get the proper screenings if one of the cancers is genetically passed on. 

I am grateful that we don't have to pay for healthcare, at least the basics of healthcare. I wouldn't be doing any of these tests for my arthritis or discussing things with the doc if I had to pay for it. so I am grateful for that.

So there you go...guess it wasn't as hard to post about gratitude as I thought it might be.