So, I took baby girl, myself and slugger son to the doctor today. It took a lot of talking, I mean, a lot of talking to get baby girl to be calm enough to even walk into the building but she did it. I was proud of her, knowing how freaked out she was. And she did fine. Basically, she and her brother have pink eye and I have pertussis, a long lingering cough that will eventually probably go away. Baby and I had to get chest x-rays which was an adventure in itself but they were clear for both of us. So there you go. I will get better, the kids will get better and we will survive. And there is joy in that really.
Joy because I know that despite how horrid we feel and at times, it's pretty horrid, there is light past the darkness of feeling bad. I cannot imagine having to deal with constant pain as some do. I cannot imagine how those who still have hope and positive outlooks in the midst of pain still have those things. Except that God provides grace and mercy and joy. He really does. I am guilty of giving in to my more negative and yes, sinful tendencies. I give in because it's easier, for a brief, very brief moment, I feel better and cannot see past the darkness I feel to the light that's waiting just beyond my vision. I am impatient I suppose. If I could wait, wait on God to get me through, to push past the pain, I'd get there to where the hope and joy lie but I can't wait and I suffer.
I truly want joy. In this moment, I want joy. In general, in my life, I want joy. One of my sister's claims I am melancholic and if that's true, maybe my natural capacity for joy is limited. However, having been redeemed by God and indwelt by His Spirit that capacity increases exponentially, maybe even infinitely. If joy is at the heart of God, and I am beginning to believe that it is, then my capacity for joy would be incredible if I allow God to wholly and truly create and increase joy within me. Wow. That's a concept.
God is good. He is joy. And I am grateful that He loves me and cares for me. I am truly nothing without him.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment