Celebrating our life

I am happy to report that I am feeling much better. Fantastically better, compared to how I was. Just an update...shortly after Mom Gill died and the funeral and that was done, I woke up and truly felt like myself....finally. That was a very long time coming.

Feeling better created such a spirit of renewal within me. I started on a spree of housecleaning and sweeping out all the cobwebs, so to speak, within the house and within me. I finished cleaning the main floor, began scanning all the photo albums kicking around my house and went through a personal assessment of my past and actually survived all that.

Part of this clean sweep process was evaluating myself, looking back into my past, into those things that hurt me, that I regretted, that I abhorred about myself and dealing with it. Truly dealing with it...looking at the event through more mature eyes and facing my sin where there was sin. It hurt and it frustrated me but through that process, God spoke to me. He reminded me that He loves me. Love, however, does not look away from sin nor excuse it nor does it sweep that under the rug. I have to deal with myself. As much as I like to run the other way when I'm embarrassed or humiliated or ashamed or just plain wrong, I cannot do that. Not if I want to live with integrity and not if I want to abide in God.

Humility and honesty helped clear up some issues with my husband and that was very much needed. There is joy in that. So much joy...and peace too. Our lines of communication seem to be more open ( I hope that isn't just my skewed perception) and we can deal with those tough and touchy issues without the cold shoulders and slamming doors.

Celebrating was a big theme for me the past few months. I craved to know joy and to understand celebration. That concept is not easy for me to get nor is it easy to implement on a day to day basis. But I'm learning. I am much more present when the kids are here, talking to me, trying to get my attention. And I'm learning to pay attention to their excitement, their joy, their moods. As part of that, I've started to celebrate their "birth" days...the actual day of the week they were born in. On that day, that child gets to plan whatever he wants (within reason) with either the whole family or just a parent. Snacks, a meal, games, park, craft...whatever they want, they can plan but not repeat too often. So far, I think it's been good, and even fun. The kids have taken it up and but need reminders a few days a head of time as to what they want to do. They like that they have the control but also that this day is much about them and what they like to do and who they want to do it with.

What I like about that is that it takes the pressure off me to plan things and then not do it. The kids take ownership of it, and we spend time together doing things that they always want to do but don't for whatever reason.

Celebrating...I'm learning.

And now, for the next few months I am going to be learning about the discipline of slowing down...not that THAT is my problem. :)