Feeling accomplished

Well, not accomplished in the "I just published something" or "I climbed a mountain" or "I performed a musical piece flawlessly"...no, not that. I accomplished something that this morning I didn't think I could nor did I feel like it. I did laundry. Yes, I know that is neither earth-shattering nor is it a WOW moment but for me, it was a huge hurdle I had to overcome. And I did.

My environment plays into my moods and emotions very much. I don't necessarily like that what surrounds affects me so vividly but I am coming to accept that it does. With that acceptance, I have to learn to navigate those moods and change my environment so the two work together and not against me. All that means is that in its simplest form, if my house is a mess and cluttered, then my mind mirrors that as do my emotions. I have a hard time thinking clearly, I get frustrated and angry more easily and my energy level is low. But when I get to the point where I can not stand being in this house, my motivation is high, my energy level is high and I'm driven to clean and order my environment. And as soon as I do, my thinking, my feelings and my spiritual state seem to fall back into balance and order once again.

So the laundry issue has been a problem. I never seem to finish the laundry. I get a lot of it done. But there is always some still left in the hamper or the floor or in some hidden spot so it is never completely finished. And that bugs me. I don't like things undone. I don't like projects left unattended or incomplete. Part of why is that I lose my motivation and then I have a hard time gettting back to it in order to complete it as well as I started it. So when the laundry piles up, I do what I have to but its always there, taunting me and making my environment never fully ordered. Its like little dust piles here and there. On the whole, the house may seem clean but I know there is dust, I know there is still laundry to do, I know I have little projects here and there that are not done and I hate that. And I feel unorganized and mind-messy.

So the fact that I made a huge dent in the laundry today is a good thing. The difficult thing is that with 6 people living, breathing, and wearing clothes on a daily basis in this house, the piles I washed today will be replaced by piles that are once again dirty. And so the cycle begins again. I realize on a very practical level that if I had a dryer, this might not be as big of an issue as it is right now...waiting for clothes to dry on a line takes time and patience. And that time means my drive weakens and my desire to get the laundry completed becomes overshadowed by the lack of drive. Ugh.

It's just laundry.

And yet it's so much more.